Went to Roadhouse

Got up yesterday went for a swim sun was shining knew it was gonna be a SPECIAL DAY. Got done swimming decided to get out to the course early for a snack before golf. Snack turned into double cheeseburger, seasoned fries, pickles, tomatoes, lettuce, 3 packs mustard, 2 packs ketchup, half bottle ketchup, 2 mayonnaise packs, 4 cokes (fountain), pepper. Oh yea and a side of attitude from the hoe that made my burger, said I used too many condiments I said KNOW YOUR ROLE. Next up was golf on a full tummy, still hit that shit long, Justin and Dad said, "did you just hit that 370"? I said I PUT MY MEAT BEHIND IT. They said what. Got done playing golf, it was hot, so guess what i'm hungry again. The guys wanted to go to Roadhouse and meet Mom there asked me what I thought I said i'm there in spirit already. They said what. Roadhouse is about 5 miles from the course I got there in 2 minutes, do the math. Parked in the handicap spot, manager came out said sir thats for special needs customers I snatched him by the collar said boy IM LEAVIN ON A STRETCHER. He radioed the kitchen said fire up the grill. Strolled into Roadhouse REAL CALM giving no hints to the drama I was about to create, girl said Welcome to Raodhouse! I walked right up to her kissed her on the MOUTH said WELCOME TO HELL, she ran. Got my table fast like I told them to went to the bathroom first to wash up. On my way back to the table noticed the slave for the night was a dude, I walked up to him said I hope you got a bowflex and use it cuz this tray is about to become A BURDEN ON YOUR BACK, oh and ps my family doesnt tip! He said Is a Dr. Pepper ok buddy your family said thats what you wanted, I said bring two and call me SIR. Next got my tum tum warmed up with 3 baskets of rolls and a small outburst with the waiter about butter quantities. Finally dude came back from crying decided he would try to take our order, He said and for you sir?, resturant went silent, It was like KOBE steppin up to a free throw to win the game, everybody knows HES GONNA MAKE IT. Got done ordering, the ink on his pen was dry, he said normally people don't add 4 sides to that its a pretty big meal, I said in that case DOUBLE MY ORDER BITCH! Some other Numb Nuts finally brought the food out, Who had the chicken tenders? I said me, who had the roadkill? I said right here, Loaded mashed potatoes? PRESENT. he got nervous went and grabbed a fire extingisher I thought, smart play boy. Got done eating felt pregnant knew I had done good, left the resturant got outside handicap spot now had my picture on it I said thats a nice gesture but I got a couple pics at the apt id rather use, manager said why are you winking at me I said no rain no rainbow. He ran.

Ground Zero

Once upon a time my family and I went to houston for a little trip, sometimes it's nice to get away, sleep in a sweet bed, have fun and grub non stop. On this trip Will also decided to slide down from Dallas to join us, a decision he would never forget. Second night of the trip we got done with a movie decided we were thirsty and it was time to swim. Went to the pool saw that it was closed we said PERFECT LETS DO THIS, their fault for not locking the door. Got done with our swim Kourtney was cold or somethin got back to the room looked at Will, could see a certain look in his eyes, a look I had seen in the mirror myself MANY TIMES, then and there I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO GRUB. Through the fought back tears I could see in Will's eyes came two words of which haunt me to this day, "Lets Eat", he said. I looked Will right in the eyes I said YOU LEAD ILL FOLLOW LETS WALK THERE! Will said Kody I think it might be pretty far I slapped him right on the cheek said ROME WASNT BUILT IN A DAY! We Left. Got outta the hotel Walked a few blocks I said, THIS TUMMY IS RUMBLIN AND I GOT A NEED FOR SPEED, Will said lets cruise. Got back to the hotel parking garage found Will's BMW I said gimme the keys and make me a DRINK. Fast foward 3 minutes and were gettin chased by Mall security in this damn MAZE they call a parking garage, We were trapped. It was then and there I asked myself JAIL, OR GRUB? GUESS WHICH ONE I PICKED. 2 minutes later we were out of the garage, PAUL BLART MALL COP no where in sight, MUSIC LOUD. Finally as I crested that hill on Westhiemer Boulevard and saw the bright lights of CHACHO"S I couldn't help but feel like Christopher Columbus must of felt the day he Saw AMERICA, I said Will lets make AMERICA PROUD, Will Said WITH LIBERTY, AND CHACHO'S FOR ALL! We PArked, first thing we notice is THIS AINT AMERICA THIS LOOKS LIKE AFRICA, we werent scared. Walked in the place was mayham 50 people in line, hundreds eating, cops everywhere, 2 am, Club scrubs all over. Finally got to the counter will flanking my left at an adjacent register fist pounded him said LETS TAG TEAM THIS BITCH. Will threw the first punch with a large order of beef nachos, I countered with 5 PULLED BEEF TACOS, I wondered what the hell they meant by pulled beef but I was fascinated, Inspired by my order will brought it home with EVEN MORE TACOS i said No he didnt THATS MY NIGGA!!! Surely the workers at CHACHOS must have thought we were ordering for a Wedding reception NUH UH!! DINNER FOR TWO! We sit down start work on the tacos, Well, Chachos calls them tacos I call them COWS WRAPPED IN TORTILLAS. I now understood why each damn taco cost 4 effing dollars! Worth it. We get sick of the scene decide to take the nacho show on the road to the hotel. LET ME SET THE SCENE FOR YOU. Were sitting on the floor by the bathroom in the hotel, Chips everywhere, Will's using BATH TOWELS as napkins, Ive got beef in my hair, THE NACHOS KEPT MULTIPLYING, oh did I mention the meat on the nachos was PULLED BEEF STRAIGHT OFF THE DAMN COW! I said Will you got beans all over the damn towel he just said "napkin" I was confused, and then BLOWN AWAY I said will your a trend-setter why use a damn little piece of paper when your can WIPE IT DOWN so I got another Towel and what did I do WIPED IT DOWN! We wake up the next morning, The girls say WHAT IS THAT SMELL? I looked at will, with a hand pound and a grin we just said Beef, its the beef, we both knew that from this point on Houston would always hold a place in our hearts, and in our Tummy's. That afternoon we passed ground zero and All we could do was laugh because we knew that beef like that might never be seen again.

"If you can imagine it, You can achieve it; if you dream it, you can become it" - William Arthur Ward -

Nobody's perfect.

Got up today like any other day, thought today is a new day lets turn over a new leaf and eat healthy. So that's how the day started, fast forward 13 hours I am in bed can't move feelin HEAVY, lets rewind and see how I got in this condition. Started the day off light on my feet coulda run a marathon easy, saw a bag of carrots in the fridge said VEGGIE TIME, had a glass of water couldnt have possibly felt better about myself. Moments later went to the gym with justin so we could GET JACKED, had a great workout looked at myself in the mirror a few hundred times all the while telling myself YOU DONE GOOD IN HERE. A few minutes later felt a little rumblin down under looked in the mirrow this time side profile thought duh theres ROOM TO SPARE AND I NEEDS TO EAT. Just then justin mentioned happy hour I said Justin you just TOUCHED MY HEART. We left I thought this is still gonna be fine I can just have a liquid dinner maybe a few chips splashy splash with the salsas BIG MISTAKE! Got to El Arroyo waitress said its 99 cent rita day guys, she was all excited, I said GET OUTTA HERE find someone prettier, felt like an episode of next she didnt make it off the FIRST STEP OF THE BUS! On deck was the hostess she looked ok I said HEY SWEETCHEEKS you better change your job description because me and my buddy are Thirsty and we WORK FAST. She got to work quick what happened next was what I like to refer to as the super bowl of chip eating, I won. Left El Arroyo feelin great went home for a nap woke up to what else HUNGER! Went downstairs whipped up two grilled cheese for an appetizer then PLOPPED down in my chair to rest up for the main event. Got in my car not knowing for sure what would happen next started singing Carrie Underwood remix TUMMY TAKE THE WHEEL, It led me straight to TACO BELL. With intentions of takin the grub to my parents house to doctor it up I went clutchtown with 4 plain tacos and what else but a DOUBLE BEEF BURRITO oh my. Got home with my prize got out the sour cream told the family to clear outta the kitchen its about to get ugly, they left, and it did get ugly. Two hours later here I am in bed THE ROAD GOES ON FOREVER.

How I did work at Cheddars.

Had a good workout earlier then thought how can I possibly ruin all of this good work I just did at the gym so I called my parents said what are ya'll up to they said goin to dinner I said LETS GRUB HARD. Picked up my oldest sister Karissa gave her a hug and hand pound said LETS OWN THIS, she looked at me all confused I said you'll know what I mean soon enough. Anyways got to Cheddar's jumped out of the car real quick to survey my prey. Walked in headed straight to the kitchen told the chef to get ready he was about to cook something you should only make for parties of 25 or more he looked worried. Got to my booth looked around said THIS AINT GONNA WORK had to move to a bigger booth to accommodate. Pretended to look at the menu but everyone at the table knew what was about to go down could even see it in the waiters eyes he looked nervous. I looked at him the minute he walked up said BOY BRING ME THE SUPER NACHOS, he had the NERVE to ask me chicken or beef I just looked at him REAL MEAN and he said ok ok combo it is, I said you just saved your tip mister. Anyways decided to set the scene with a salad DRENCHED with thousand island thought to myself might as well have somethin in my tummy to hang out with the half pound of spinach dip I just owned. Anyways by this time the waiter got used to bringing out the dr peppers every three minutes told him he might as well bring me the whole machine becasue DADDY's THIRSTY! Next up comes the main event, my family says what in the world is that sound I said laugh out loud best believe thats a fork lift bringing me this drama they call dinner, they looked baffled. The rest of the meal makes me too emotional to talk about lets just say I'm not welcome at cheddars for the next 12 to 15 months.

What I had to eat today

First thing I had was an apple and a glass of water around noon before I went to the gym. After I worked out I had a generous helping of hamburger helper lasagna yum yum washed that drama down with the last itty bit of my whole milk... bummer. Next up was dinner didn't know what in the world to have so I started small with a little sandwich, ham and cheese (Double Cheese), decided to wipe it all up with a sprite, almost had a grape soda but saw the sprite last minute duh. Got done with the sandwich knew I wasn't satisfied tried to have a few cheezeits wasnt workin for me so finally went back downstairs got some welches grape juice then SNATCHED up some cheerios real quick HONEY NUT gobble gobble dinner complete.